Inclusion 101: Transgender Edition- For the "Liberal" and "Open Minded"

Even though Marin County is assumed to be progressive, when to it comes to accepting minority groups, many say our community doesn’t always do a very good job.

For instance, Marin County residents often push back and fight against affordable housing. According to the LA Times, “In recent years, Marin residents have blocked housing of all kinds.” This included the proposal to renovate and repurpose the Golden Gate Baptist Seminary, which currently sits empty. And, when George Lucas offered to fund an entire project for affordable housing that would cover 4,700 acres, Marin County residents pushed back, claiming that the influx of people would add to “air pollution”, because of all the cars the new residents would add. It’s easier to hide your racism when you claim it’s for Mother Earth, right?

As a minority (black female), I can speak first hand when it comes to not feeling included in the community around me. In 2018, the acceptance rate of minority groups should be much larger than it is; and instead of tackling questions like, “why aren’t there more of this group here?” (which is another piece for another time), I sat down with Castien Dowling, a transgender male who dedicates his online time to specifically welcoming every being that finds themselves on the LGBTQ+/gender spectrum, to counter the sometimes unwelcoming vibe marginalized groups get from Marin County as a whole.

In Marin, it is not often that we spot a person who is experimenting with their gender identity, and when people see someone who doesn’t fit into a certain category, it is easy for us (as privileged human beings) to judge and not be willing to understand who a person really is, because of our differences. The goal of my conversation with Castien is to get any questions we might have out of the way, and help people understand how to treat people from the trans community just like we treat everyone else who gets pressed juice and does yoga on Saturday afternoons here in Marin.

Castien said he knew he felt different, but he did not know that he was trans until he learned that other trans people existed. “I wish I had always known! That would have made everything so much easier!” said Castien. “Unfortunately I didn't have any transgender people in my life that would have made it seem like a normal thing for me to be, so I never considered it until I found out that it was a real thing.”

Castien said he has so far felt supported, especially at COM. “At my college, I feel incredibly supported, I have yet to run into ANY problems with my gender, but I know ultimately there probably will be. There always are.”

Given that trans people still do face discrimination and even violence in mainstream society, Castein encourages those who are unfamiliar with a trans person or who want to be an ally to speak up for those who need support and just treat them like a regular person.

“Actively talk to your friends and families to educate them. It's easier when you're cis to defend trans rights, because people don't murder you or kick you out of the house for trying to teach them to be a better person. Call people out when they're transphobic. Listen to trans people.”

Another part of normalizing trans people in a non trans community is using the proper pronouns and a trans person’s chosen name, Castien said. “My least favorite question to be asked is ‘what is your birth name?’ As soon as people learn you used to go by another name, they "slip up" and call you that name. I refuse to answer that question no matter how much I trust and care for that person.”

Knowing what it’s like to educate people on things not to say to a person of color, I could only imagine some of the crazy things cis people have said to trans people in the name of trying to educate themselves. When learning something new, it’s easy to get lost in what’s okay and what isn’t, so I asked Castien what some of the biggest do’s and don'ts of the community are.

“Things to not do is to ask what gender we were born as, even a cis person will get knocked down by being asked incredibly personal questions about their genitals. Treat us the same way you would a cis person! Also, when a trans person corrects you on their pronouns, don't make a big deal out of correcting yourself. Slip ups happen and while they hurt every time, we know they're unavoidable. Just correct yourself and move on, making a scene makes it about you rather than the truth of it being actually about us.”

And for anyone wondering how their friend Kayla became Josh or how their cousin Andrew became Nancy, Castien shared how he chose his name and why. Choosing a name is different for each person and sometimes people try a few names before finding the right one. Like trying on a pair of shoes, except way more life changing; a name has to fit who you are now, and who you are hoping to be.

Castien shared, “I picked my name because of how it is similar to my dead name, and I wanted this transition to be as easy for my parents as possible. I messed around with the sounds of my birth name and Castien just came out after like 80 variations and felt right.”

When asked what advice he has for people who might be questioning their own gender identity, Casiten said, to choose the label that fits best the gender identity you think you may be. "Go by that label and the pronouns you associate with it (choose a new name if you wish) for a minimum of four months. You need two-to-three months to get used to the new pronouns and gender label and one-to-two months to really live in that label and find out if it's you or not. You may need more time, which is perfectly normal and may have to test more labels. I spent 6 months trying out gender fluid and six months testing androgynous before I finally tested out 100% transgender man, which is what I am.”

So, now you know: the key to being inclusive to the trans community, is to treat them like people.