Inclusion 101: Black Girl Hair- For the Touchy and Entitled

Braids. Dreads. Natural and curly. Long. Short. Doesn’t really matter. White people come from all over to get a glimpse of my newest hairstyle. This isn’t new, it’s something I’ve dealt with for my entire life of having anything but straight hair. It’s to be expected when a black woman changes her hairstyle.

What almost always happens is the inevitable and noticeable need people seem to have to touch my hair, a lot of times without permission. This is not okay, for obvious reasons. But, in case this is not obvious to you, when you encounter a hairstyle that you are not used to seeing, especially if it’s on someone you have never seen before, here is a list of things you should not do, and why:

1. Don’t. Touch. There are many reasons you shouldn’t touch someone’s hair. Remember the first rule you learned in Kindergarten? Keep your hands to yourself. If you find yourself fighting the urge to extend your hand to a place it does not belong (my hair and personal space), ask first. Do not follow up your extended hand with “I need to touch this now”. You don’t need to do anything, except verbally admire, which leads me to my next point.

2. Don’t be too adamant about how good my hair looks. Yes, it looks good. Yes, it took a long time. Yes, the things black girls can do with their hair are truly amazing. But compliment it once, and move on. You know how sometimes someone says something too many times, or too excitedly, and you start to wonder if you were ugly before the new hairstyle or new way of dressing? This then leads to discomfort and sometimes annoyance.Just say how nice it is, heck, say it again later on, but then move on. Plus by being so surpised insinuates that you didn’t think black girls could have nice/good looking hair.

3. Don’t ask if the hair is mine/where it came from. This might sound like common sense, or strange, but that is so rude. Whether it is or isn’t our real hair is none of your business.Where it came from is none of your business. And even if it wasn’t our natural hair to begin with, it’s attached to our head now and is now, ours.

4. Don’t ask can/how/how often we wash our hair. No, we don’t have to wash our hair very often, and no it’s not gross. You usually wash your hair because your hair is greasy or oily (or just down right dirty), but oil and grease travels farther down your hair if it’s straight. But when it’s curly, the oil doesn’t travel as far and frankly, doesn’t seem to be produced as often. In addition, before mid-century, even white women did not wash their hair every day. The over-shampooing of daily washing can cause more oil to be produced. So no, Brenda, we don’t wash our hair very often, and it’s not gross because it’s not the equivalent to you not washing your hair very often. And in any hairstyle, we have to ability to wash our hair. Is it necessary? No, depending on how long we choose to keep the style in for. Do we do it? Yes, we wash our hair. Just not as often, and that’s okay.

So now you know, the do’s and don’ts of black hair. Please keep these things in mind when encountering a black girl who just got her hair did. She most likely does not want to deal with your hands on her hair.